I'll be honest, folks - the next week seemed tough to get through. Hailing from one of those weird families that never really celebrated anything, it amazes me just how much cheer and spirit people exhibit for certain events around the year - Christmas (and the subsequent New Year's Eve) being one of them. There are family dinners, meeting up with loved ones and of course, gifts - it's the one time of the year when you can see the infectious exuberance on the faces of people on the streets; and in stark contrast, here I am, failing to recall when I last felt such joy without staring at a screen as some or the other piece of entertainment unfolded before my eyes.
Um, I-I guess my question is do you... do you think it's too late for me?
It is in this state of mind - and wondering whether I should order some fast food (Subway! Yes, I call it fast food) on Christmas Day so I don't have to cook the same old pasta/burrito/rice meal that I do every 3 days - that I received a message from a friend on Steam, informing me of a giveaway that would entitle me to a 1 month trial of the Origin Vault. To those unfamiliar with the same, think Netflix for games but not as many options, of course. Though there are more than enough to keep you satiated for a month.
And thus I was salvaged from a week of intense introspection followed by relentless self-loathing. The last session yielded that the root of any anger and frustration is not at the lack of celebration in life, but rather the sheer disinterest towards the same that is a seemingly natural by-product of my entire life. I hate the fact that I am not psyched for Christmas and wonder if I ever will be.
I mean a-a-a-a-a-a-am I just doomed to be the person that I am?
The first game that I installed, upon my saviour's suggestion, was Tacoma. Of course, I dearly loved Gone Home, and I think it was one of the first walking simulator/exploration games that I played. Maybe it was the one that got me into this genre in the first place. Tacoma being from the same developers as Gone Home, is why I was excited going into this. Either way, I went in completely blind as to the storyline, which was a rewarding experience - I feel that's how you should approach any game especially when it's barely 4 hours in length.
And thus I was salvaged from a week of intense introspection followed by relentless self-loathing. The last session yielded that the root of any anger and frustration is not at the lack of celebration in life, but rather the sheer disinterest towards the same that is a seemingly natural by-product of my entire life. I hate the fact that I am not psyched for Christmas and wonder if I ever will be.
I mean a-a-a-a-a-a-am I just doomed to be the person that I am?
The first game that I installed, upon my saviour's suggestion, was Tacoma. Of course, I dearly loved Gone Home, and I think it was one of the first walking simulator/exploration games that I played. Maybe it was the one that got me into this genre in the first place. Tacoma being from the same developers as Gone Home, is why I was excited going into this. Either way, I went in completely blind as to the storyline, which was a rewarding experience - I feel that's how you should approach any game especially when it's barely 4 hours in length.
Tacoma is one of those games that doesn't force you into anything; you're free to explore the environment at your leisure - skip past the bits you don't want to explore (although, why, why would you be playing this game if you intend to do that in the first place) - and delve into the personal effects and spaces of the people involved in the story to glean more information as to what exactly transpired aboard the space station. It is the little details - notes, belongings and digital traces - that give you an insight into the lives of these seemingly ordinary workers aboard the space station, and the events that befell them. Look out a window, and the vast, dark expanse of space stares back at you - sometimes, there's the Earth in the distance. It is a strange, empty emotion indeed, and I allowed myself a few moments to just stare out into the nothingness and embrace the feeling.
I mean i-it's not too late for me, is it? It's not too late?
I won't bother sharing this edition of my incoherent ramblings with many people, because I know the only single view every post gets is from when I open it on my phone to give it the final once-over after having posted it. If you do find yourself shaking your head and wondering why I often deviate from talking about the game itself, I am simply living up to the title of the blog. These posts are not meant to elicit sadness or sympathy, nor are they cries for help. It is simply a safe space to write about my state of mind and feelings before/after playing a game, as I know the only people who read this are going to be the ones I personally share this with - and even then, only but a couple of them bother.
Please, I need you to tell me it's not too late.
So here's to the last week of 2019 filled with many more games and posts yet to come.
Hello AwkwardLiSFan, I just today found and read your well written review of Memories Retold on Steam. Your writing sparked an interest within "my soul" (?) and I was compelled to discover further your Steam likes, then found your TV and movie likes, and then came across this blogspot. There is something both on the surface and deep within your excellent prose that intrigues me. It's a feeling of kinship, something unseen but felt within, that has led me here and is guiding my thoughts and words. In 2010, when I was 49, I had a... meltdown, mid-life crisis, spiritual re-birth, shamanic experience, a chaotic but emotional and psychologically cleansing year long event that my wife and I coined "Chrisapalooza". Ever since, I see and feel myself, the world, and other people differently. That event felt like it literally awoke me from living in a hypnotic state. There is so much more of my tale to tell but basically I felt compelled to reach out to you. I absolutely love your writing and will most likely read all of your reviews as it seems we have much in common with gaming, movies and TV shows of interest. Thanks for sharing them. My Steam handle is "elitestore", Chris K in Michigan and email is elitestore@hotmail.com
ReplyDeleteHello and season's greetings to you, sir! First off, let me thank you for going through my posts. I've seen them evolve over the last 6 years from something completely amateurish (that I started when I was 14 and felt an urge to command a space of my own on this giant wasteland they call the "Internet") to their current state.
DeleteI like where I am today; especially what I play now. I'm excited to see how these posts will evolve further as life progresses. Seeing people read and (this first time!) comment on them certainly gives me a warm, content feeling, and if I were honest, also a ton of hesitation as to whether I was able to give you a thought-provoking read.
It is always wonderful to see people of varied ages and different walks of life share similar tastes in entertainment. Your life's story sounds intriguing and eventful; the particular phase you mentioned extremely stressful and disorderly. I hope you're well now, and wish you a good time ahead.
Regards.
- Soham S